Listen Yall: Satan Is Trying Me.

When grieving, all walls a person has put up, are torn down. All barriers from the past are removed and it’s easy for darkness to creep back in. That is when the Devil hunts, after

all. I’ve been to dark places. I’ve experienced things I never want to relive. Pain, heartbreak, emotional distress, guilt. All of which I never want to remember or live through again. But when a person is grieving the loss of, not one but, two parents...that pain, heartbreak, and emotional distress come back. Only, it's different.

This isn’t the “not feeling accepted” or “not good enough” emotional distress. This is, “the two people who have always been there for me are gone,” type of distress. My entire life has been flipped upside down. I’m more vulnerable now than I ever have been. I feel lost. I feel weak. I feel tired. I am the perfect prey for Satan right now. But God.

God’s got my back. He’s got my front and my sides too. You know what else God has done for me? Blessed me with my extraordinary husband. Trevor. God gave me a man who heals my pain and holds me when I cry. God gave me a man who has done nothing but stitch my heart back together, rather than damage it further. God gave me a man who understands my emotional nature and helps me through it, rather than making me feel bad about feeling how I do. God gave me a man who accepts my past, yet holds my hand as we walk together toward our future. God gave me a man who picks me up when I have fallen. Who carries the weight when I can’t. Who loves me, and only me, unconditionally. For that I am blessed. Because of God working through Trevor, I will be okay. Eventually. On a side note, I am a lot stronger than I was five years ago. I am even stronger today than I was yesterday.

When all of this first started, I was breathless. I could not at all believe God was taking my Daddy from me, and so soon after losing my Momma. I may not understand why God has written this story for me, but one thing I am certain of is that it is part of His plan. I don’t at all, in any sense of the word, like or approve of what has happened, but I accept it for a couple reasons. The first being, both my Mom and Dad are no longer in pain. They are celebrating together in the Heavens watching over us. And second, one day the reason for their premature passing will be revealed to me and everything will make sense.

So now what? Now, I keep the faith. I cling to God. I rely on my best friend, my husband. I keep my chin up. I keep pushing forward. I keep smiling.

Stay True,

Hails